Picking Up the Pieces
by jainasolo17
Summary: Basically, I'm filling in the holes (which are glaring) in Obi-Wan's character from TPM to ANH. I wondered what would happen if he fell in love. *Suspended*


Jarella Gabbit sat meditating in one of the large, open rooms of the Jedi Temple that were specifically designed for this purpose. Her long brown hair fell down over her brow, which was furrowed in deep concentration. She was completely attuned to the Force, trying her hardest to sense the presence of her favorite person, fellow Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi. She new he was on a dangerous mission to the world of Naboo, defending Queen Amidala herself. She knew that he and his master Qui-Gon Jinn had specifically set out to face a mysterious warrior whom they believed to be a Sith Lord.  
  
Never in her life had she been so worried. There was only one person in the galaxy that she cared enough to worry about, and that was Obi-Wan. Although she was five years younger than him (now 20), she had always been at the same place in her training as he. Recently knighted, she was now ahead of him. He was still a Padawan learner She had known him for as long as she could remember, and she had always been drawn to him for reasons she could never have explained herself. Of course, he was handsome, but that was not it. She had met many handsome men in her life. Maybe it was that they seemed to have a very deep connection in the Force. Even Master Yoda had said that he had never encountered one of such magnitude between two people before. Their connection allowed them to know each other so thoroughly and understand...  
  
Suddenly she was knocked out of her thoughts and meditation as if struck by a blow. Her heart raced, fear gripped her, as she suddenly felt sick. She concentrated on The Force again. Someone had died, someone with a very strong connection to the Force, someone very close to Obi-Wan. With a little further meditation, she knew that although the pain was Obi-Wan's, he was not the one that had died. The pain was horrible; it gripped at her heart. She felt her heart was being wrenched out of her body. So attuned was she to Obi-Wan's feelings that she knew that this was almost exactly what he was feeling.  
  
"Qui-Gon!" Jarella breathed. Her more immediate reaction was concern for Obi-Wan. Seconds later, the pain was still present, but part of it was being replaced by anger and rage. Was he strong enough to resist the Dark Side? In her heart, she knew he was, but he was dangerously close. His thoughts were bent on revenge, anger, hate. "Obi-Wan" she breathed, "Obi- Wan. Don't lose yourself." And, for the first time in her life, he pushed her away. This was totally new. He wanted this battle to be his. Tears stung her eyes. She was wounded, deeply wounded. He had heard her and he had decided he did not want her with him.  
  
Despite this, she did not come out of her meditation. If she could not help him by speaking to him through The Force, she would at least pay attention. His anger gripped her, as she stayed close. She tried to help him control it... she could see the battle in her mind, every parry and thrust... as he was knocked off the platform and nearly plunged to his death she held her breath. She had faith in him. He proved her faith right. Drawing on The Force, and her, Jarella noticed slightly appeased, he brought his lightsaber to him, drew himself up, and struck the evil being dead. Once he had, the anger left him, and he was safe, having avoided the dark side.  
  
However, he still did not reach to her. He ran to Qui-Gon, and once again, anguish filled her. A tear streamed down her face, as she felt that Obi-Wan, too, was crying. She heard Qui-Gon, in his dying breath, ask Obi- Wan to train Anakin. Jarella knew that he could not refuse. Then, the master breathed his last.  
  
Qui-Gon's body was there. He had not become one with the Force. This was surprising to her. She had always believed him to be strong in the Force. Maybe all those years of resisting the council had led him astray.  
  
"Obi-Wan?" She tried again.  
  
"Please," he spoke, his voice, even through the Force, constrained, "Jarella, leave me be."  
  
"I want to be with you. I want to help."  
  
"You already did. Not now. Let me alone with my grief. You don't need to feel it."  
  
"I have to feel it. I can't escape it. It's part of me, part of the Force, part of us."  
  
"There is no us, except in the Force" His words stung her deeply and she broke the connection immediately, dampening her own feelings from him, standing up, and walked out of the room, tears still coming.  
  
  
  
Obi-Wan immediately regretted having said that to her, but he knew that it was the most effective way to get her to leave him alone. He could feel her pain coupled with his own, even though she was trying to hide it from him. He held on to his master for what seemed like a long time, until he decided that it was a good time to leave. He gathered his former master's body in his arms and began to walk back to where the other people were. He wondered how the battle for Theed was progressing and realized that he didn't care. His master was dead. He had just deeply injured the one person who would comfort him in all this.  
  
And Anakin? Where was he? He reached out for the boy and found him, in the air? Piloting a star fighter? The boy seemed to be alright... and seconds later an explosion from above was heard and Obi-Wan could sense joy. He had destroyed the Trade Federation's control ship! At least there was one victory today. An overall victory, but no victory for him or Qui- Gon... or Jarella, Obi-Wan reminded himself.  
  
As he walked, he remembered fondly how Qui-Gon had teased Obi-Wan about his feelings for Jarella. Although love was essentially against the Jedi code, Obi-Wan loved her with all his heart. This had never been a secret. It was also no secret that she loved him back. Ever since he was 19, he had heard nothing but warnings to keep his feelings in check. Love, although not an obvious one, was still a path to the Dark Side.  
  
Qui-Gon, forever the rebel, had encouraged their relationship. He believed that it was healthy for Jedi to have romantic relationships, believing that it was entirely possible to have one without turning to the dark side. Obi-Wan was not sure what his own view was on it. He was hesitant to keep Jarella at a distance. Even those who thought their love was wrong could not deny their power together in the Force.  
  
This was not the time for such musings, he reminded himself. He must find someone to help him take his master back to where he belonged. But, first he must find Anakin.  
  
  
  
On Coruscant, Jarella was aware that Obi-Wan had returned. She was not going to seek him out, but she knew she must attend Master Jinn's memorial service. She imagined what she would have felt had her own master, Dane Imanda, had died while she was his Padawan. She would have felt as if her world had ended. She knew that if she would allow herself to reach for Obi-Wan again she would feel this in him. He would take the trials soon... he would be knighted soon... he would take on a Padawan soon. He would do all this in his grief for his master.  
  
Jarella had already been given the name of her Padawan, who would be arriving on Coruscant very soon. She was nearly six months old, from the planet Corellia, Milani Solo, she believed. All that Jarella knew of Corellia was that it was fabled to be home to many a rouge and smuggler. All that she knew of her own past was that she had been born on Ithor, a world that was now lightyears, and standard years in her past.  
  
Like all Jedi, she had never known her parents. She was allowed to track them down if she so wished... and she did not. They had only given her life and nothing more. She was not curious about her past. She was more concerned with her future. As Master Yoda was known to say, the future was always in motion. Although Jarella was strong in the Force, she was not particularly strong at foretelling the future. Sometimes her dreams played out possible futures... many of them involving her relationship with Obi- Wan.  
  
"Jarella?" a voice from the door of her chambers asked. She recognized it as Obi-Wan's and chided herself for not sensing him coming.  
  
"How did you do that?" She demanded.  
  
"What do you speak of?" He asked, innocently, his usually bright gray-green eyes bloodshot. He stepped into her room, his robes flowing around him gracefully.  
  
"Sneaking up on me like that."  
  
"Oh, that." He answered, running a hand through his auburn hair and touching the Padawan braid that hung over his shoulder, recoiling slightly. "You were lost in thought, I was hiding my presence, and you were doing a very good job of ignoring that I'm even alive."  
  
"Is that a surprise to you?"  
  
"After what I said to you? No. I want to tell you that I'm sorry. I only said that because I wanted to be alone."  
  
"You are never truly alone, as long as I'm here."  
  
"Okay, then I wanted to feel alone. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry. I should not have said that to you when you were only trying to help."  
  
"Does that mean that you believed what you said?" She held her breath for the answer.  
  
"Not in the way you took it to mean."  
  
"And how exactly did I take it?"  
  
"You thought I meant that you mean nothing to me at all; that you're not my friend; not my ally."  
  
"Are you so sure, Obi-Wan? Maybe you were only speaking the truth, in every way. The truth that I have not accepted and probably never will be able to accept, after..."  
  
"Jarella, I love you and you know that, but you also know that we can never marry. We can never have a romantic relationship. We..."  
  
"We already did. Or did you forget already?" She replied, remembering with delight the times of true happiness in her life when Obi-Wan had given into his desires and kissed her. Yes, the time was short-lived. There were other kisses, yes... but the last of them had been almost 3 months ago and she did not kid herself. There would be no more.  
  
"And for that I am sorry. I am sorry that I led you on. I am sorry that I took advantage of your feelings for me."  
  
"You did nothing of the sort. You cannot take advantage of me. I know almost everything about you, Obi-Wan."  
  
"That is certainly true. Sometimes you know more about me than I know about myself."  
  
"Can you see my future?" Jarella asked suddenly.  
  
"The future—"  
  
"Is always in motion, I know, but have you seen my future?"  
  
"I have seen you holding a child, a baby..."  
  
"My Padawan, no doubt. She's arriving tomorrow."  
  
"You wish that child was ours, don't you?" She accused, taken off balance by the thought.  
  
"Sometimes, yes. I wish that I could have my own child, but I'm realistic. Anakin is the closest I will ever get. If I were not a Jedi—"  
  
"We would never have met."  
  
"I don't believe that. I believe that we would have found each other. I believe that we would be the happiest..."  
  
"You shouldn't torment yourself with such fantasies, Obi-Wan." Jarella soothed, approaching him and raising her hand to stroke his cheek. "Because that's all it will accomplish. You cannot change who you are. You cannot change your destiny."  
  
"What will we be? Us, I mean." He asked, closing his beautiful eyes.  
  
"We will be partners in the Force, friends, good friends, but never lovers. Unless, of course, we want to risk the Dark Side."  
  
"I have already done that and I would gladly go there and back for you."  
  
"Please don't say that. That is exactly why love leads to darkness." As she said this, he placed his hand gently on her cheek, and leaned into her. For a moment, her breath stopped and she prepared to push him away. But, as his lips neared hers, he thought better of it and pressed them instead to her forehead.  
  
"You will forever be my voice of reason."  
  
"And you mine."  
  
"Is that your girlfriend?" A child's voice asked from behind them. Obi-Wan turned slowly and said,  
  
"Anakin Skywalker, I want you to meet my friend, Jarella Gabbit." Jarella dropped to her knees in order to look Anakin in the eyes.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Are you his girlfriend?"  
  
"Jedi don't have girlfriends." She was quick to answer.  
  
"Well, you act like you're his girlfriend." Anakin stated plainly. "You wish you were." He added, quickly. She noticed that he had probed her mind. How did one that young with no previous training in the Force manage that?  
  
"Why do you say that?" Jarella asked, innocently, but she could immediately sense that this child was so strong in the Force that it would be impossible to keep anything from him.  
  
"I can feel it. You love him."  
  
"There is no emotion." Jarella began to quote the Jedi code. "There is only peace. There is no passion. There is only—"  
  
"Serenity." Obi-Wan finished. "And, there is no death. There is only the Force. But we'll save that one for another day."  
  
"Then why did you just kiss her?" Anakin asked.  
  
"Wow," Jarella thought, "there is no side-tracking this kid."  
  
"I... I didn't kiss her." Obi-Wan stammered. "She's my friend. I— No one is perfect. We all have our failings. She and I—Why don't I tell you this later? How about when you're older, much older." He added after a pause. Jarella smiled at how easily he was taken aback. There was no other subject that could do this to him. He was always calm and collected; except when it came to her. "I came to congratulate you on becoming a knight because I never got to. And, to ask you to accompany me and my new Padawan to..."  
  
"Yes, I will." Jarella did not need him to finish. "And speaking of your Padawan, would you like to introduce us?"  
  
"Oh, yes." Obi-Wan answered. "Jarella Gabbit, meet Anakin Skywalker."  
  
"Hello." Anakin said. "It's nice to meet you. Are Jedi allowed to get married?" He then turned to Obi-Wan.  
  
"Yes, but it doesn't happen often and it's not recommended. It's really against the code. Why do you ask? Are you planning to marry someone?"  
  
"Yes, I'm going to marry Padmé When I'm older, of course."  
  
"Queen Amidala?" Obi-Wan asked, stunned. "Well, you certainly have set your standards high."  
  
"And why shouldn't he?" Jarella laughed. "He's only a boy."  
  
"And a little young for her, too."  
  
"Maybe you think so, but he won't be young for long. Maybe we should get going?"  
  
"Oh, yes." Obi-Wan said, sullenly. He had been trying to put it out of his mind."  
  
  
  
Obi-Wan had never been to a funeral before, and this was not the first one he wished to attend. He had no choice, though. He wanted to honor the memory of his master. 


End file.
